All posts by Stanzo

Rutgers alum & avid Yankee fan. Painfully addicted to Twitter. I tell terrible jokes 95% of the time, the other 5% are probably above average.

Hall of Fame Tweets: Inaugural Class

Ever since I joined Twitter in 2012, I’ve been hooked. I check it with a Cal Ripken jr. level of consistency every day. I’m the one constantly sending people tweets I think they might enjoy, and getting offended if they don’t at least give me the obligatory “lol.” I see hundreds of tweets every day, so I’ve probably seen at least a couple hundred thousand in my lifetime. However, there are still a few tweets that stand out.

That’s why I’ve decided to establish the Twitter Hall of Fame. I’m not inducting people, but rather individual tweets. This is our inaugural class, so it had to be exclusive. Baseball inducted legends like Babe Ruth and Walter Johnson in its first batch of Hall of Famers, I’m not gonna throw in any old slapdick tweet that made you chuckle one time. These are the cream of the crop, the best of the best. Here goes nothing.

Kehlani didn’t score 81

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Just a truly unbelievable response to a somewhat rational question. For context, the popular singer was taking some heat from NBA Twitter after it came to light she had cheated on Kyrie Irving. This woman posed the question of why people were being so tough on Kehlani, but still supported Kobe (RIP) after he cheated on his wife. The fact of the matter is that, unlike Kobe, Kehlani has never scored 81 points in a baketball game. A feat like that wipes away any wrongdoing, everyone knows that. Which made me think of a follow-up tweet that may someday get Twitter HOF consideration.

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Zoey 101 coming back is the best news of 2020

Are you ready? (get it like the theme song!!) 2020 has been a complete shitstain of a year, but a Zoey 101 reunion could lead an Eli Manning in the Super Bowl-level comeback. It’s on my Mount Rushmore of TV shows from growing up, alongside Drake & Josh, Ned’s Declassified, and The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.

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The NBA Bubble Food is Straight Out of Fyre Fest

While MLB was completely botching their negotiations for months, I kept thinking “man, I can’t believe the NBA got this figured out so quickly.” Turns out there are a couple kinks in their plan. I mean, how does a multi-billion dollar operation like the NBA serve that garbage to its players? I’m actually almost impressed at how disgusting that looks.

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How Many Masks Do I Have to Wear to Get Into Yankee Stadium?

On Wednesday, Governor Murphy just made it mandatory to wear a mask in outdoor spaces in New Jersey where social distancing isn’t possible. A lot of people lost their minds about it, but it honestly makes sense. If you find yourself in a big crowd, just throw one of those suckers on. No one’s asking you to wear one while you go for a run or eat dinner with your family.

As someone who is painfully addicted to Twitter and suffering from a lack of sports content, I’ve noticed every little thing become politicized the past four months. I guess that’s probably always happened to a degree, but I usually drown out any “real world stuff” on Twitter by debating how good Aaron Judge is with strangers and laughing at memes. But without sports, I find myself reading through threads where Earl from Louisiana (MAGA in bio) is arguing that masks violate his rights, while Becky from California (pronouns listed in bio) insists she won’t be coming out of her house until AT LEAST June of 2021.

But this is not a political blog. It’s Below the Belt SPORTS, after all. However, I do want to talk about those polarizing pieces of cloth. In New Jersey, masks are required in indoor public spaces, and outdoor spaces where distancing isn’t possible. Just one mask grants you entry to those areas. But if one mask makes it safe enough, why stop there? What about two masks? Or five? Even ten? I’m not a science guy, but that has to be safer, right?

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Peter King: Just Take It Easy, Man

Peter King is notorious for constantly complaining, but this is one of the more outrageous tweets I’ve seen in a long time. Competitive eating is sinful? Just calm down dude, we’re talking about guys eating boiled meat in buns, not fucking murder.

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Taking a Deeper Look at the Yankees’ Grooming Policy

The Yankees’ long-standing hair policy was making waves on Twitter on Monday after some comments from former Yankee Andrew McCutchen. McCutchen was only here for the second half of 2018, but he’s an awesome dude and quickly became a fan favorite.

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Why Every NFL Team’s Name is Offensive

So the Washington Redskins are finally changing their team name, which has been a long time coming. It’s probably one of those things where our kids will shockingly ask us someday “wait, there was actually a team called the Redskins?” Although it’s taken them awhile, good on them for finally changing it. Since many people took offense to the Redskins, it got me thinking: how many other NFL team names could be considered offensive? Every single team, if you truly try hard enough.

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Stephen A. Thinks NBA Players Are Too Horny To Stay In Orlando Bubble

Stephen A truly is the best. 95% of ESPN content is hot garbage nowadays, but that man will always be box office entertainment. He also has a point here: are NBA players really going to stay quarantined for weeks or months at a time to play basketball?

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A Comprehensive Look at Brian Cashman’s Starting Pitching Moves

Brian Cashman is the longest-tenured GM in baseball. After starting as an intern in 1986 and being promoted to assistant GM in 1992, Cashman was named the General Manager prior to the 1998 season. He was reluctant to take the job, as he knew that George Steinbrenner had a history of firing people in power positions any given moment. Luckily for Cashman, the Yankees went on to win the World Series in his first three seasons at the helm.

In the twenty seasons since the Yanks’ 2000 World Series victory, Cashman’s teams have experienced multiple phases with varying levels of success. The 2001-07 seasons were littered with playoff disappointment. The free agency splurge ahead of the 2009 season produced a title immediately, but that core failed to win it all again. The 2013-16 teams were a pathetic group of aging veterans that appeared in only one playoff game. And finally, Aaron Judge helped usher in the “Baby Bombers” era with a team that came within one game of the World Series in 2017.

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