How Many Masks Do I Have to Wear to Get Into Yankee Stadium?

On Wednesday, Governor Murphy just made it mandatory to wear a mask in outdoor spaces in New Jersey where social distancing isn’t possible. A lot of people lost their minds about it, but it honestly makes sense. If you find yourself in a big crowd, just throw one of those suckers on. No one’s asking you to wear one while you go for a run or eat dinner with your family.

As someone who is painfully addicted to Twitter and suffering from a lack of sports content, I’ve noticed every little thing become politicized the past four months. I guess that’s probably always happened to a degree, but I usually drown out any “real world stuff” on Twitter by debating how good Aaron Judge is with strangers and laughing at memes. But without sports, I find myself reading through threads where Earl from Louisiana (MAGA in bio) is arguing that masks violate his rights, while Becky from California (pronouns listed in bio) insists she won’t be coming out of her house until AT LEAST June of 2021.

But this is not a political blog. It’s Below the Belt SPORTS, after all. However, I do want to talk about those polarizing pieces of cloth. In New Jersey, masks are required in indoor public spaces, and outdoor spaces where distancing isn’t possible. Just one mask grants you entry to those areas. But if one mask makes it safe enough, why stop there? What about two masks? Or five? Even ten? I’m not a science guy, but that has to be safer, right?

Think of it this way: if you have one beer, you probably won’t feel anything. If you have ten beers, you’ll be absolutely hammered. More is always better. Apply that to masks. If wearing one makes it safer, why stop there? Which brings me to my ultimate question: How many masks would I have to wear to watch a game at Yankee Stadium right now? Well, a few weeks ago I proposed the idea to the Yankees’ Twitter account.

However, I was immediately presented with a well thought out counterargument from a fellow Twitter user.

I was excited to engage in some deeply intellectual conversation, and I dug up one of my favorite gifs to get the ball rolling.

We then got into an interesting back-and-forth where we debated involving Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Is Dr. Fauci smarter than I am? Undoubtedly. But he’s a science guy, he stays inside the box. I’m an ideas guy. I bet Fauci never even considered a multi-mask strategy, let alone 12. It’s that kind of big brain thinking that got me on the Dean’s list for almost half of the semesters I spent in college. You put together my ideas and Fauci’s science, and America will be back to normal before Labor Day.

All I’m trying to say is, if you find yourself wearing a dozen masks at a baseball game this season, you know who to thank. Your move, Fauci.

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