Definitively Power Ranking the Best Thanksgiving Foods

In just a few short days, the greatest eating day of the year will be upon us. Thanksgiving is the absolute best excuse to drown anything wrong in your life with some delicious food. Before I get to my list, I wanna set a few ground rules.

  1. I strictly stuck to classic Thanksgiving dinner foods. I didn’t do appetizers, desserts, or anything that may not be considered a “classic” (ex. I know a lot of people do mac n’ cheese on Thanksgiving, but personally my family doesn’t so I left it off the list.)
  2. If you disagree with me calm down, it’s a fucking blog about Thanksgiving food
  3. Sorry I got a little heated with #2, food is a sensitive topic
  4. I took into account the food’s place in Thanksgiving, not just how good it is overall

Here we go, power ranking the best 5 Thanksgiving foods:

5. Cranberry Sauce

Image result for cranberry sauce

Also commonly referred to as “turkey lube” (never actually heard that but I’m trademarking it now), cranberry sauce is definitely one of those “Thanksgiving only” foods. I think that’s dumb because it’s really freaking good. If I walk into a deli in July and order a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce, I’d get looked at like I have three heads. But November is pretty much a free pass to order Thanksgiving food all the time. Don’t sleep on the Thanksgiving bowl from Wawa, the Fat Pilgrim from CARS (for the Bergen County readers), and the Thanksgiving Wrap from Hansel (for the Rutgers readers.) It’s the perfect complement to turkey, and even better on sandwiches. No disrespect to it at #5, cranberry sauce is absolutely a Thanksgiving essential.

4. Mashed Potatoes

Image result for mashed potatoes

Kind of surprised myself putting mashed potatoes at #4 since I consider them one of my favorite foods, but they’re socially acceptable to eat year round unlike most other foods on this list. They also go great with turkey and in sandwiches, and you can use them to pick up anything else on your plate for a bigger bite (vegetables, stuffing, etc.) Big bites = big flavor, that’s a life hack. Just make sure you keep your mouth closed while you chew. Also, PSA: gravy ruins mashed potatoes. I don’t care how unpopular of an opinion this is, keep the gravy away from my plate.

3. Turkey

Image result for thanksgiving turkey

While I’m very confused as to why we only eat some of these delicious foods on Thanksgiving, I kinda get why a full turkey is a once a year thing. It takes a long time to make, and it’s a shit ton of food. That being said, turkey is absolutely delicious. They call it “Turkey Day” for a reason. After Thanksgiving dinner, at least my next 3 meals will include turkey in some form, most likely in a leftover sandwich. They say “you can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey,” and I pretty much agree with that statement. You can do ham or roast beef in addition to the turkey, but not instead of it. Despite that, turkey is not the #1 Thanksgiving food.

2. Stuffing

Image result for stuffing

Look at that beautiful bowl of carbs. Stuffing is sick and it’s a tragedy we only have it on Thanksgiving. It’s like having a girlfriend who you can only see once a year. Consider Thanksgiving Day the equivalent of getting the “my parents aren’t home ;)” text from bae, and crushing a bunch of stuffing is basically just you Razor scootering over to her house. (Side note: overeating and your stomach violently hurting is also the metaphorical equivalent to hitting yourself in the shin with said Razor scooter, just brutal.)

1. Sweet Potatoes

Image result for candied sweet potatoes

If you’re saying,”A vegetable #1? What’s this dumbass saying?”, then you’ve clearly never had candied sweet potatoes. These things taste so good and are so covered in sugar/syrup/whatever else that you can’t even taste the fact that there’s a vegetable somewhere in there. They’re pretty much only a holiday thing, which makes them even better. So no, Michelle Obama, you do NOT win this round. Candied sweet potatoes ftw, maybe if you’re lucky I’ll have a bite of salad or something.

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