What the Kyrie Trade Means From a Knicks Fan’s Perspective

I’m not even gonna try and decipher who won this trade, I don’t really care. All I know is that my dream of seeing Kyrie in a Knicks jersey has been dashed.

Fuck this would’ve been awesome

Now that one pipe dream is dead, it’s time to move on to the next one. My approach to being a Knicks fan is that if I never actually grasp the reality of how awful we are, I won’t be upset. So here’s what the new plan is.

First off, we aren’t trading Melo anymore. Fuck that.

I was all-in for trading Melo to get Kyrie. I am 4000% done with his shit. But now that a Melo for Kyrie trade is off the table, he’s not going anywhere. Why would we trade him to the Rockets for next to nothing so he can chase a championship? We don’t owe him anything, he’s gonna sit here and be miserable with the rest of us. Misery LOVES company, and I assure you all of us Knicks fans are miserable.

But, keeping Melo is vitally important to Phase 2 of my new Knicks pipe dream.

We’re getting the Banana Boat squad together in NYC in 2018. Let me explain how it’s gonna go down.

Carmelo will be here because he’s got no choice, we’re not trading him.

Then, a little player by the name of LeBron James comes in to town. After another Finals loss to the Warriors (I hope they win but without Kyrie that seems even less likely), he realizes that matching Jordan’s 6 titles may not happen. So he looks to build his resume to be the greatest of all time in other ways. He’s already brought a championship to Cleveland. What would be the only thing more impressive? Bringing one to the Knicks.

So now with LeBron and Melo on board, Chris Paul realizes it’s a no-brainer to take his talents to Manhattan. The Knicks still need a point guard, as 2017 first-round pick Frank Ntilikina won’t yet be ready to handle starting duties for the suddenly competitive Knicks. Paul will be coming off a failed experiment of a season with the Rockets, as him and James Harden fail to mesh how they originally thought they could (original take: there’s only one ball and these guys both enjoy having the ball.)

With 3 of his 4 pals already signed up to play in blue and orange in 2018, Dwyane Wade doesn’t hesitate to sign for the mid-level exception and complete the Banana Boat to NYC plan.


If this all somehow happened (it won’t) but maybe it would, let’s take a look at that starting lineup:

C- Kristaps Porzingis

PF- LeBron James

SF- Carmelo Anthony

SG- Dwyane Wade

PG- Chris Paul

I’m more aroused than KP when he gets DMs from Abigail Ratchford. This team would be insanely fun to watch. Would it be a good idea to put four guys who have basically been the focal point of every single team they’ve ever been on together this late in their careers? Probably not. Would it be the best thing for Porzingis? Again, probably not. But as a Knicks fan, this is basically best-case scenario.

This team would win like 38-45 games, maybe a playoff series, and provide an actually watchable season to Knicks fans everywhere. And as unlikely as it is that this will happen, that sounds pretty fucking good to me.

P.S. Just saw this photoshop as I finished the blog and I am all fucking in. If there are three things that get me excited in life it’s syllabus week, new music dropping, and NBA stars with Knicks jerseys photoshopped onto them.

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