I Don’t Know What Katy Perry Is On, But I Need To Find Out

Katy Perry is the Willy Wonka of the music world, don’t @ me.

-She’s alarmingly successful with countless number one hits (Wonka was a legend of the chocolate game)

-She always has a song that is annoyingly catchy (the Oompa Loompa Song went double-platinum with no features)

-She has weird back-up dancers that seem to do all the work (the Oompa Loompas go hard in the paint)

-And she is definitely on some shit (Willy Wonka was high the entire movie and don’t try to tell me different)

Image result for oompa loompa
These Oompa Loompas look like they’re about to drop the hardest beat of 2017

She’s infamous for doing the extreme and for some reason people absolutely eat it up. Here are some recent examples:

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At the 2015 Super Bowl when she rode in on the sand lion from Aladdin
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Her tribute to the “Sharknado” franchise, also at the Super Bowl
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Honestly don’t even know what is going on here
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Sure, why not

And then last night her performances on Saturday Night Live pretty much sealed the deal for me that she is on some type of drug that we all need to get on ASAP.

If you didn’t watch her performance, both are posted below:

Feel free to not watch either of those, but based on the cover photos alone you can figure out nobody in the audience had a single clue what was going on in front of their eyes.  I think Katy Perry caught onto that for a second because out of nowhere she would scream “Let’s GOO SNL” and people were far from ready to cheer for the musical, knock-off version of Comic-Con.

For fuck’s sake at the end of the second performance she started picking up fruit and throwing it around stage like an animal and even handed fake fruit out to Migos like it was the Last Supper. Either she knows the music sucked or she’s on hard-core hallucination shit, and all my hard-earned money is on the latter.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why 1) she brought the backpack kid on to an actual stage where millions of people were watching and 2) why Migos would ever accept the offer to do that terrible, horrible song.

Regardless, Katy Perry has been confirmed (by me) to be on life-changing drugs for a long time now and I think we should all take a page out her notebook and start trying it. She is absolutely wild. People who used their actual brain cells knew those performances were wacky as shit, but Katy Perry seemed to be loving every second of it.  She looked around at the crowd as if they were looking at her first-born child, but the crowd looked back as if she had just given birth to a fat ugly squid.

Katy Perry, I haven’t figured out exactly what you’re on, but keep doing you, the rest of the world will catch up eventually.

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