If Avril Lavigne is Dead, So Am I

Warning: this post will contain severa hidden and unfortuntaley bad Avril Lavigne puns. Viewer discretion is advised

First things first, get caught up on the issue at hand.

The Guardian:
Did you know Avril Lavigne was replaced by a lookalike named Melissa in 2003? At least, that’s what the internet would have you believe. The old conspiracy theory that Lavigne was “cloned” resurfaced on Twitter over the weekend, but it has been bandied about the internet since 2005 and is thought to have originated on a Brazilian fanpage.

The theory claims Lavigne, struggling with fame at the beginning of her career, began using a body double named Melissa. At some point, the real Lavigne is said to have died, so the record company replaced her with Melissa full-time. “Proof” has included Lavigne’s red carpet shots (Lavigne wears trousers; Melissa prefers dresses and skirts) and supposed differences between the facial features of pre-2003 Lavigne and the current incarnation. Theorists also believe Melissa has left clues in songs, such as Slipped Away, in which she sings: “The day you slipped away was the day I found it won’t be the same”. There was even a publicity shot in which Lavigne had “Melissa” written on her hand. Spooky.


What the hell.  In 2017, anything is possible, but I did not think the songbird of 2002 would have a lifetime stunt double. This is the type of shit that will make a great movie in ten years.

Please note before reading on: If Avril Lavigne made sure she had a replacement to live the rest of her life, you HAVE TO recognize that heart and give her some damn props. That is the definition of “The show must goes on”.

The question being ignored in this whole scenario is how the hell Avril Lavigne died???? If alive, she is 32 now and if not, and this has been going on for a while she was dead at like 28! If you die before 30 the only options are shot, drugs, or sickness.  I’m sure if Avril Lavigne was shot then people would have known. She was a damn icon after “Skater Boy”.  That’s like shooting John Lennon. That makes the news 9/10. If she had a terminal illness then I’m guaranteeing you people would have known about that because too many idolized her to just let her go quietly without a fight.  This leaves the only option being drugs, which is a possibility since she went to rehab various times. That will be the only theory I accept for the time being.

If that theory is correct, we must now think of life without Avril Lavigne, which is certainly a tough concept to grasp.  It’s complicated, considering she was a legend when we were growing up, whether or not you want to admit it.

All I know is I’m not ready for her to be gone, and if this damn Melissa tries to duplicate what Avril did, she’s gonna get a dropkick to the nose. Her music won’t be looked at the same, and how will we ever know what was Avril and what wasn’t? I am willing to accept the idea that her three good songs were Avril, and every other one that sucked or was forgetful was simply Melissa trying to catch the wave and get ready for this time.

Whatever the truth is, I’m just praying Avril is fine and ready to make another guilty-pleasure hit in the coming months. If she does, she’s an early candidate for Comeback Performer of the Year.



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